so, nowadays you have to have a wedding website. and we wanted hammerboy.com because it is an awesome combination of our last names. someone owes hammerboy.com. i put in the very reasonable offer $30. they countered with $10,000. my response: i really hope someone invents an incredibly successful product called Hammerboy otherwise you just lost $30.
he wears deodorant.
Finance: I would only wear antiperspirant on a job interview or something.
Me: You would just buy it for the one time use?
Finance: Well, then I would probably use it all the time.
Me: So, the only thing stopping you using it all the time, is that you don't own any.
Finance: Yeah, I guess. (no realization made whatsoever.)
Nice, got your sister barred from campus
Simple Assault 1/20/11 - 9:15 a.m. Location: Townhouse Row (Unit D) Case closed University Police officers responded to a report of a student and another subject, the sibling of a GW student, arguing. The subject hit the student with her shoe and was barred from GW property. Subject barred from campus
i just ate something super onion-y and now my breath stinks. i hope a cute guy in improv class tries to kiss me in a scene today. but he gets super repulsed by my bad breath and it stops him. then he starts telling rumors about me to everyone, and i get shunned. because then i would FINALLY have an embarassing story to write into cosmo girl with.
i would not want to be a lawyer. i am going through footage of the Anna Nicole Smith trial, which of all trials should be somewhat interesting. it’s not. it’s boring.
i just got super scared that my left hand wasn’t working. but then i moved it, and it’s working fine.
platform: jobs, jobs, jobs. we need more jobs. in office: let’s re-hash old topics, like abortion.
comments on the internet
i moderate comments on the internet. i just read a comment this is about what it said… “author, you are wrong and dumb. MTV is terrible. i interviewed a Muslim, and they said the show Skins makes them hate America even more.”
Little Brother is famous (that's him in the... →
what game will you watch tomorrow? midwest team vs. midwest team or rapist vs. rapist?
i don’t understand. who are these people working in my building, who get in the elevator and don’t press a button? and then as we are already headed upwards, you panic and make someone else press your floor. do you not realize when you step into the elevator that you have to tell the big metal machine you are standing in where to go? WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU? on a sidenote, i am now...
GW Crime Log
Theft 1/17/11 - 9:30 p.m. Location: Ivory Tower Case closed Employees at Dunkin’ Donuts reported to UPD that an unknown male subject grabbed an ice cream cake from the freezer and fled the area. No identifiable suspect Full Crime Log
cleanse day 3
the fun thing about cleansing is that farting is much more of an adventure. will it really just be a fart? or will it be more?
day 2 of a 14 day cleanse. how detailed do you guys want to get? 4 am bathroom trips cross the line, or no? what i can and cannot do on cleanse. no: meat, alcohol, dairy, processed foods, white sugar small amounts allowed of: soy, wheat, potatoes, caffeine yes: veggies, fruits, whole grains
two ladies in my hallway
smoker's voice: you know when you find shoes.
accented lady: yes.
smoker's voice: when you find women's shoes they are from high school girls because they don't fit any more, they throw them out. if you find men's shoes, that means they are dead. men don't throw out their shoes, they wear them down and then buy the exact same pair.
accented lady: is it cold out?
what game will you be watching tomorrow? Pats vs. Jets are 4:30 pm OR Relentless Victory At All Costs vs. Team Orygun PIV 4:30 pm hmmmm? Relentless Victory At All Costs being my indoor soccer team, duh.
GW Crime Log
every Thursday the GW crime log is published in The Hatchet. it is still one of my favorite things about Thursdays even though i graduated years ago. the best one from today: Destruction 12/13/10 - Time unknown Location: Thurston Hall Case closed A student reported to UPD that his former roommates damaged several of his posters and threw away his food. Referred to SJS
Wanted: A New Best Friend For The Dog Who Survived...
thecranium: A cruel person left this dog chained to the pedestrian walkway on the Williamsburg Bridge during the massive snow storm the other day. A nice person noticed her on his way to work and rescued her. Now he needs someone to give her a forever home! Read the whole story here. uh oh. Finance does not know what we will returning home to. (me crying, and wanting this dog)
he gets home today!
what do you think the first thing Finance will ask me when he gets home from england today? - Where is the mouse to my computer? - What is the stain on the couch? - What have you been eating? - Someone drank a lot of beers in here, hm? - What are all these charges on my iTunes account?
If this doesn't rip your heart out, well, then you... →
and i am already have emotional issues today.
Stuff GW People Like: Looking Down On American... →
csingel: stuffgwpeoplelike: When a GW student meets an AU student, the GW student’s initial reflex is to laugh and say, “Oh, you go to American? That was my safety school.” GW students wouldn’t actually say this, but we all know they are thinking it. It’s just like, AU isn’t even in DC. Well, it is, but not really. … Good to know my Alma Mater is still unjustifiably pretentious. oh man,...
me: i have not spoken out loud to a person today.
myself: well you did sing along to that regina spektor song to the cat.
i: does that count?
me: i'll take what i can get.
i think i am hilarious.
Finance: i guess i have to get a flu shot since there is an outbreak where i am going in england.
Me: don't get autism!
American Aquarium Drinker: Not to projectile-vomit... →
daveholmes: Golden voice or no, Ted Williams is still an addict with some probable mental health issues. Redemption and second chances are wonderful things, but this degree of attention has a tendency to be traumatic, even for previously healthy people. I’m as psyched for this guy as you are. I really am…. i just said a similar statement out loud to Finance. being in recovery is hard....
i just wrote “if you want to hit me up” in an email to a person i work with. i felt like a 45 year old woman pretending to be hip. and that felt sad since i am in my 20s.
i am very bad at getting the words to songs right. it is probably because as soon as i think i have them right i start singing at the top of my lungs, thusly drowning out the actual words and replacing them with my words. for a long time, i thought Michael Jackson’s “Man in the Mirror” was “Man in the Middle.” i told this to my friend Mr. Mark and he than re-sang the...
yesterday, i saw my first broadway show since i moved to THE new york city. it was Million Dollar Quartet. and it was amaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaazing. it’s a show about a recording session that actually took place between Johnny Cash, Elvis, Carl Lee Lewis, and Carl Perkins. emmy invited me. and we sat in the balcony, which was sweet. and the show had so much singing and guitar playing. and...
today is my first day at my new job. first days can be weird, and finance knows that, so he sent me this to keep my going:
what i learned from sitcoms
that women are supposed to put hand lotion on before bed.