i usually say the best part of being in a relationship is splitting the rent of a one bedroom. but another great part of being in a relationship is all the double dipping you can do. i get so much more hummus with each carrot. it really is great.
i forgot how loud and violently my neighbors fight during the day, all day.
would it be weird for a grown woman to read archie comic books on an airplane? again, asking for anyone who is not me.
have you ever been walking down the street and had underwear fall out of your pants? asking for a neighbor that’s not on tumblr, but DESPERATELY needs to know she’s not alone. or whatever.
Travis Helwig: Why You Should Be Appalled By The... →
travishelwig: Earlier today, two NYPD officiers were found NOT GUILTY on charges of rape despite the following evidence: The accused officier admitted to cuddling with the drunken woman in her bed while she was wearing nothing but a bra. While he was on duty. The accused officier is on tape saying he used…
robot-heart-politics: 14kgoldnyc: **TRIGGER WARNING** Two New York City Police Officers Acquitted of Rape robot-heart-politics: Now I’m just curious if these two men still have jobs with the NYPD. Yes? Oh yes, they do indeed. Of course. this makes me so fucking angry. this is where i live. tears. i am so so so fucking angry.
minute to win it
me: i can't tell
when the previews are on
when the text show
did a great job
and now theres a nother episode
its still on
jesus tv is so confusing
who wants wine?
Little Brother: haha
picking things up with my feet
i either keep getting drunk and talking about how good i am at picking things up with my feet. or i keep dreaming that i am talking about how good i am at picking things up with my feet. either way, i am okay, at best at picking things up with my feet.
dreams do come true.
krustykrabporno started following you
Finance: this is going right by our house tomorrow
the streets already have barriers on the sidewalk
A DANCE PARADE?
OH MY GOD
me: I LOVE PARADES
Finance: i know
me: AND I LOVE BANDS
AND I LOVE DANCING
WHAT TIME WILL IT BE NEAR
WHEN CAN WE SEE THE DANCE PARADE?
Finance: 1 pm
me: we better get a spot
for the dancing
maybe we should put chairs out
early in the morning
they'll probably just be stolen
i love hearing people on their cell phones explicitly explaining directions to someone, while the other person is doing them. a lot of “okay, keep going straight” and some “do you see the wendys? good. take a left.” sometimes “i don’t know what side of the street ralph’s coffee is on.” this “no, it’s not dangerous, it just looks a...
ALL THE TIME
LETS HAVE A BABY
BEFORE WE GET MARRIED
if you work on the second floor of an office building, and you are wondering if people in the elevator hate you. yes, they do.
it’s probably going to be a bad day when you are willing to trade lives with just about anyone you see on the street.
whatever. no big deal.
these go to 11.: two thoughts on bridesmaids →
morninggloria: 1. Weddings are good plot devices to use in bringing together people who otherwise live fairly separate lives, plus weddings are fun and usually everyone gets drunk, however! I have a nagging thought that this film was only acceptable to much of the American moviegoing audience because its set at… i agree with this. but using weddings in comedy is a very very old...
i like to read the gothamist before i head out for... →
Anonymous asked: what is this "finance" you keep referring to? is it a person? i'm terribly confused. where is finance? what is going on?
click now. →
i hate the pause right after you send a hilarious google chat, and you have to wait to see what the other person’s reply will be.
thelifeof-finn asked: Your blog is algebraic
flappy-jack asked: I like candy, do you like candy?
i am going to heart more stuff on tumblr. i don’t think i heart enough.
this white shower curtain costs $60 →
overheard girl saying: so this bar is like really fun.
my thoughts: any bar is super fun, as long as it serves alcohol.
What Your American Girl Doll Says About the Rest... →
katespencer: It should go without saying that my Samantha doll, her various dresses, her school room, dining room and summer fun accessories are all packed up in her steamer trunk waiting for the day my daughter is ready to play with the most kick-ass doll in the world. PS: Suck it, Kirsten and Molly doll owners. joyengel: alittlespace: “Samantha Parkington: Did you know, when you...
Finance comes home today! so i stayed up super late last night cleaning to make it appear as though i can take care of myself.
things i did not do on saturday
here are a list of things i did not do on saturday: - leave the house - put on a bra - eat fruits and vegetables - stand up for more than 20 seconds - read - wear pants
how super hilarious would it be if i didn’t pay rent while Finance was in India? he would come back and our landlord would be all mad, and then we would have to pay late fees. we may even have to start using certified checks every month to pay our rent. hilarious!
The Scene is tonight! Celebrate Cinco de Mayo... →
good and funny stuffs, by good and funny peoples.